Are you self-conscious about your appearance?
Or do you have a friend or relative who is self-conscious?
I want to share a theory as to why a person might be self-conscious and what might help you overcome the problem.
I am a psychotherapist and a former high school teacher as well as a personal image consultant.
As a result, I am especially interested in understanding and effectively communicating with my clients.
My earliest memory of being self-conscious was when I was 4 or 5 years old.
After I got trained in 1991 by Color 1 Associates and learned to choose flattering colors and clothing styles I have been able to overcome my self-consciousness.
An example of my self-consciousness (being self-critical)
When I was younger, before I became an Image Consultant, I was dating a guy named George.
I was waiting for George to pick me up. I had a few minutes to spare,…so I laid down to take a quick nap.
When I woke up I looked in my magnifying mirror to check my makeup.
I was horrified to see the beginnings of a pimple on the end of my nose.
My doorbell rang and I had no time to camouflage it with makeup.
George greeted me with,
“You look nice tonight.”
“No I don’t, I have a pimple on the end of my nose. “ George squinted at me.
“I can’t see it.”
“Well, it’s there, right on the end of my nose.”
George still could not see it.
I admit, that George’s vision was not the greatest.
On the other hand, I have eyes like an eagle.
I see every little detail, especially flaws or things that are out of balance.
Even as a child, I would notice the smallest flaws in my appearance.
I would also notice when other people looked bad or looked good.
I thought everyone was as visually aware as me.
When I read the book,” How Your Child Is Smart,” by Dawna Markova, I discovered that not everyone is as visually aware as me.
I used to think my self-consciousness was entirely due to my mother being so critical of me.
I now believe my “learning style,” ( how my brain is wired) was the other contributing factor.
Have you been self-conscious since you were a child?
The way you process information may be the cause.
I will try to explain about learning styles in the next few paragraphs.
We all use our eyes,(visual sense) our bodies (kinesthetic sense) and our voices and ears (auditory senses) to learn.
There are six different learning styles or learning orders according to Dawna Markova, teacher, therapist and author of many books including “Your Child Is Smart.”
The order in which we use our senses determines how we are smartest, what makes us feel balanced and what sense is the slowest to come but most deeply felt.
In her book,”Your Child Is Smart,” Dawna Markova describes these 6 different learning patterns. The difference in learning style, is the order in which we use our senses and digest information.
There is a front or conscious sense (the way we “bite,” into information) and how we are most aware of what’s going on outside of us.
The middle or next sense uses our sub-conscious to help us be aware of both inside and outside and this is how we sort information.
The third step in digesting (processing) information into our brains is called the unconscious or back channel, It is the slowest to come but often the most creative part of us and the most deeply felt.
Two of the six learning patterns begin with the Visual pattern. These are VKA- Visual, Kinesthetic and Auditory and VAK,- Visual Auditory and Kinesthetic.
If you have the VKA or VAK pattern, you are visually smart, (aware) and you are likely to be self-conscious.
When you have the VKA learning style, you feel what you see.
If you have the VAK learning style you probably say things to yourself about what you see. If what you see in the mirror is not visually balanced you probably say negative things to yourself.
When I got trained as a Color 1, Personal Image Consultant and learned how to use color and proportion to look visually balanced, something amazing happened.
Because of my VKA learning style, and feeling what I see, when I looked in the mirror, and I saw that I was visually balanced, my brain calmed down and my feelings of self-consciousness began to disappear.
Sometimes those old negative messages recorded in my brain pop still pop up. When they do, I take a deep breath and use “positive self-talk,” to turn off the messages.
My old self-consciousness has been replaced by self-confidence.
Before I knew how to put myself together using color and proportion to look visually pleasing, I felt self-conscious.
Now, because I know I look visually balanced, I can leave the house and not feel self-conscious.
If you are self-conscious about your appearance, especially if you have felt that way since you were young, it’s likely that you are visually smart.
Here are some other indications that you are visually smart.
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Do you learn best by reading or watching
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Do you feel energized when you write
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Are you comfortable with direct and sustained direct eye contact
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Do you organize by writing lists?
If are visually smart, you still use your kinesthetic and auditory senses, but to process information, you first have to see something or at least visualize it in your imagination.
Does this sound like you?
If you are self-conscious about your appearance, this does not mean you have low self-esteem or that you are self-centered.
It’s more likely that the self-consciousness comes from the way your brain is wired to process information.
I have talked in past posts about the magic that happened for me when I discovered what colors and styles looked good on me.
You can have this magic too.
The way to overcome self-consciousness is to get educated about what looks good on you.
When you learn how to look visually balanced, using flattering colors and styles, you can replace self-consciousness with self-confidence.
Want to know what your learning style is?
Get “Your Child Is Smart,” by Dawna Markova or go to her website, www.Smartwired.org.
The website is targeted towards parents who want to understand their children.
If you want to understand your “Inner Child,” I highly recommend ,” Your Child Is Smart.” I believe this was Dawna’s first book. She has written about 6 or 7 books but I found her first book the easiest to understand.
There is a test in the book you can take to determine what your learning style is and a whole chapter on each of the 6 learning styles.
One of the first things I do with new clients is give them the Learning Style Inventory.
This will help me to communicate with you and teach you about your best colors and styles.
One of my clients has her visual sense in her back (unconscious) channel and she could not understand why she couldn’t remember what was in her closet.
Her Kinesthetic(touch and feeling) sense was in her front channel.
She had to open her closet and touch her clothes to remember what she owned.
Even if you are not self-conscious about your appearance, this “Learning Style Inventory” will help you understand yourself better.
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Think you might be ready to replace self-consciousness with self-confidence?
Too far away to meet in person? (I am located in Baltimore, Maryland)
I am now able to do long distance image consulting using photos and the telephone and or web-cam.
Call or e-mail to set up a complimentary 20 minute telephone consult. The telephone consult I am currently offering is FREE, with no obligation, but I only have a few of these slots available each month.
Nancy@WardrobeWiz.com, 410-513-9496,
The purpose of the telephone consult is to help you determine what your fashion personality is and to help me better understand what your needs are. Say goodbye to those, “Nothing to wear moments.” In addition to working in-person with women located in Baltimore, Maryland and surrounding areas, I am now doing long distance consultations using the telephone, and digital pictures sent on-line.
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Nancy Goldblatt, “The Wardrobe Wizard,” is a “Color 1,” Personal Image Consultant who specializes in working with women whose size or shape has changed and who are tired of wasting time and money on unflattering clothes.
After a woman works with “The Wardrobe Wizard,” she will have a wallet of her best colors and styles, and a pared down closet. She will learn how to mix and match her best looks so she can get dressed “lickety-split,” and look great everyday.
Nancy@WardrobeWiz.com, 410-513-9496,
“The Wardrobe Wizard,” also works with younger women and is available to work with men. She was trained by Joanna Nicholson, founder of Color 1 Associates an International Image & Style Company.
- Where does it lie? (angelheartlee.wordpress.com)
- Blog post by Kay Couture (fashionindustrynetwork.com)
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business services, choosing flattering colors, color analysis, Dawna Markova, dressing for comfort, eyes, fashion design, learning styles, Learning to Like Your Looks, Learning to Love Yourself, looking good, Looking visually harmonious, real beauty, redefining beauty, self esteem, Smartwired.org, Visual sense
Appearance & Self Esteem, Baltimore Wardrobe Makeover, beauty, choosing flattering clothes, choosing flattering colors, eyesight, fashion, fashion challenges, fashion tips
I just dont understand how and why I become more self conscious as I grow older…how can I fix that
No instant answer. We live in an ageist society that values youth and youthful looks. Stop reading women’s magazines and stop looking at young influencers and comparing yourself.
This is really fascinating – I’m going to check out the book! Thanks for sharing.
The book was originally written for parents to better understand their children’s learning style. Dawna Markova has written about 5 ot 6 other books but this one is the easiest to understand. Thanks for reading my post. Still do not know why I get so few comments. Maybe nobody but spammers are going to my site. Nancy G