Appearance Anxiety, Where Did You Learn It?
Nancy, Wardrobe Wizard
There are lots of sources that makes us anxious about our
appearance. Images of movie stars, models and media
personalities that have been photoshopped to look perfect are
everywhere.
It’s difficult not compare yourself.
But how many of you had anxiety about your appearance at a very young age, even before you were exposed to these images?
The purpose of this post is to explore and better understand the earliest source of your appearance anxiety, not to bash mothers.
How many of you were affected by the way your mother felt about her appearance?
Even if your mother did not talk about how she felt about her looks, did she communicate her insecurities by the way she behaved.
I remember going to the grocery store with my mother when I was a young child. If she glimpsed a neighbor or friends she would grab my hand and duck down another aisle to avoid them.
Now as an adult and a trained psychotherapist I might call this behavior a form of “social anxiety.”
My mother told me her avoidant behavior was due to time constraints. She said she did not have time to stand and chat. As I got older, she admitted to me that sometimes she didn’t want to chat because she did not feel she looked her best.
As a young child, I did not understand my mother’s behavior. When I became an adolescent I began to understand her behavior when I started having some of the same feelings and avoidant behaviors.
Trying to Understand My Mother and My Own Feelings & Behaviors
My mother was a beautiful woman, but she did not feel beautiful.
She felt her nose was too big and she hated her freckled skin.
She envied her friends who could lay out in the sun until their skin turned leathery brown. Even though she had dark brown hair, she had the freckled skin of a red head.
When she tried to lay in the sun, thinking her freckles would blend together to give her a tan, she got sun poisoning.
Ironically, because she had to stay out of the sun, as she got older, her skin stayed beautiful as her friends grew more wrinkled.
They say it’s not what our parents say but what they do that affects us.
For me, it was both what my mother said and what she did that affected me.
She was highly critical of her own appearance and my appearance.
When I was about 6 years old, I was invited to my best friends ballet recital. I did not go because I got a stomach ache. That stomach ache felt real at the time, but I realize now, looking back, that underneath the stomach ache was anxiety because I felt I did not have anything to wear that I felt I looked good in.
As I got older, I turned down many invitations, because I felt I did not have anything to wear.
When I became an adult, if I could not avoid going to a special event, I would look in my closet and feel panicked because my “old faithful’s,” were too raggedy to wear.
So I would go out and feel desperate as I shopped for something to wear for the special occasion.
When I did go to the event, I felt self-conscious and did not enjoy myself because I felt fat and frumpy.
I would often find myself comparing the way I looked to the way the other women looked.
I wonder if any of you can relate to this?
I discovered after I got trained as an image consultant that I have the most challenging body shape to dress.
Even when I weighed 112 pounds, I felt I looked fat because I have narrow hips and a proportionally wide waistline and midsection. ( If you happen to have this body shape, you need to wear tops with undefined waistlines.)
Because I did not understand my body shape or the colors that flattered me, it was hard for me to find clothes that looked good on me.
No matter how much I dieted, my waist stayed wide because of my bone structure.
Because I did not understand which styles or colors were flattering, it would take me forever to find one thing that looked ok and fit me.
Frequently if I found one piece that looked good, there would be nothing to match it and it would just hang in my closet unworn.
Nancy at 112 pounds and still feeling fat
The Magic Formula to Overcoming Appearance Anxiety
Something magical happened to me when I learned what silhouettes worked best on my body shape and what my most flattering colors were.
Shopping got easier and putting myself together became a breeze.
As I got more and more compliments about my appearance, some of those old feelings of self-consciousness and “not looking good enough,” began to melt away.
When I have an important event to go to or I am invited out now, I admit I still have a flash of panic, but it only lasts for a few seconds
.
Then I remember that I have the knowledge to put myself together and look good.
When I leave my house, I no longer feel self-conscious because I am confident that I what I am wearing is flattering, no matter what my shape or weight.
Even if you did not have a self-conscious, critical mother or body shape challenges, some of you may be experiencing body shape challenges as you have gotten older.
Do you understand your body shape and the styles of clothing that most flatter your body?
Do you know what shades of color really make your skin look radiant?
Do you understand your “Fashion Personality,” and how that affects what you feel comfortable wearing?
What are you doing as you get older to continue presenting the best version of yourself? I would love to hear from you. Please feel free to comment.
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Are you ready to save lots of money and look great everyday? To far away or too busy to meet in person?
Think you might be interested in an Online Wardrobe Makeover or “in-person Wardrobe Makeover?”
I am also available to do “in-person makeovers,” for those of you who are located in Baltimore, Maryland and surrounding areas.
Call or e-mail to set up a Complimentary 20-minute telephone consult. The telephone consult I am currently offering is FREE, with no obligation, but I only have a few of these slots available each week.
The purpose of the telephone consult is to help you determine what your fashion personality is and to help me better understand what your needs are
.
Say goodbye to those, “Nothing to wear moments.”
Nancy@WardrobeWiz.com, 410-513-9496, https://blog.wardrobewiz.com
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Nancy Goldblatt, “The Wardrobe Wizard,” is a “Color 1,” Personal Image Consultant who specializes in working with mid-life women whose size and shape has changed and who have too many clothes and “nothing to wear.”
After a woman works with “The Wardrobe Wizard,” she will have a wallet of her best colors and styles, and a pared down closet.
She will learn how to mix and match her best looks so she can get dressed “lickety-split,” and look great every day.
“The Wardrobe Wizard,” also works with younger women and is available to work with men. She was trained by Joanna Nicholson, founder of Color 1 Associates an International Image & Style Company.
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